deathbed lyrics

I can smell the death on the sheets, covering me
I can't believe this is the end

But this is my deathbed, I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight, I know I'll be home

The year is 1941
I was 8 years old and far, far too young
To know that the stories of battles and glory
Was a tale, a kind mother made up for a son

You see, dad was a traveling preacher
Teaching the words of the teacher
Mother had sworn he went off to the war
And died there with honor, somewhere on a beach there

But he left once, to never return
Which taught me that I should unlearn
Whatever I thought a father should be
I abandoned that thought like he abandoned me

By '47, I was fourteen
I'd acquired a taste for liquor and nicotine
I smoked until I threw up, yet I still lit 'em up
For thirty more years, like a machine

So right there you have it, that one filthy habit
Is what got me where I am today

I can smell the death on the sheets, covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear the sad memories still haunting me
So many things I'd do again

But this is my deathbed, I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight, I know I'll be home

Got married on my 21st
Eight months before my wife would give birth
It's easier to be sure you love someone
When a father inquires with the barrel of a gun

The union was far from harmonious
No two people could've been more alone than us
The years would go by and she'd love someone else
And I realized I hadn't been loved yet myself

From there, it's your typical spiel
Yeah, if life was a highway, I was drunk at the wheel
I was helpin' the loose ends all fall apart
Yeah, I swear I was destined to fail and fail from the start

I bowled about 6 times a week
A bottle of Beam kept the memories from me
Our marriage had taken a 7-10 split
And along with my pride, the ex-wife took the kids

I can smell the death on the sheets, covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear those sad memories still haunting me
So many things I'd do again

But this is my deathbed, I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight, I know I'll be home

I was so scared of Jesus but he sought me out
Like the cancer in my lungs, it's killing me now
And I've given up hope on the days I have left
But I cling to the hope of my life in the next

Well, then Jesus showed up, said, "Before we go up
I thought that we might reminisce
See one night in your life, when you've turned out the lights
You asked for and prayed for my forgiveness"

You cried, wolf, the tears, they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs, you said, "What have I done?"
You loved that lamb with every sinful bone
And there you wept alone, your heart was so contrite

You said, "Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day, please take me home with you"

I can smell the death on the sheets, covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear you whisper to me, "It's time to leave
You'll never be lonely again"

But this was my deathbed, I died there alone
When I closed my eyes tonight, you carried me home

I am the way, follow me and take my hand
And I am the truth, embrace me and you'll understand
And I am the light and for me, you'll live again
For I am love, I am love, I, I am love